For those of you who just joined us, this is how it all began:
Nuptialist: [nuhp-shuhlist, -chuhlist] Noun: slang in the frum community meaning one who hates weddings.
I am a nuptialist. I neither hate engaged couples, married people, nor the fact of marriage. Rather, I hate the public extravagance of weddings – the six-hour process, the profligate spending, and the absolute lack of social graces – which they inevitably entail.
Despite this antipathy, I average nearly a wedding a month.
Which means that one day out of every 30 I am shod in sparkling non-sneakered shoes and dress, spend hours traveling, and am fed sodium-flavored food. In between dancing, eating, and downing tylenol to alleviate the pained injury which dancing aggravates, I get to enjoy uncomfortable social encounters. These encounters involve three types of people (1) people I haven’t seen recently and would rather not see now or again, (2) people I would love to catch up with, but we can’t hear each other (3) the bride and her posse to whom no remarks seem entirely appropriate.
And yet, I keep going.
Because weddings should be a joyous occasion for the bride and groom. If there is anything, within reason, I can do to further that joy, I will. So once an invitation arrives, I put aside my antipathy, pick up my date book, and figure out a way to be there for the happy couple. At weddings I dance, sing, and exude pleasantness.
My nuptialisism, combined with many weddings I attend, has given me unique framework and knowledge of weddings. And now, dear readers, the time has come to share that knowledge with you.