The Nuptialist

For those of you who just joined us, this is how it all began:

Nuptialist: [nuhp-shuhlist, -chuhlist] Noun: slang in the frum community meaning one who hates weddings.

I am a nuptialist. I neither hate engaged couples, married people, nor the fact of marriage. Rather, I hate the public extravagance of weddings – the six-hour process, the profligate spending, and the absolute lack of social graces – which they inevitably entail.

Despite this antipathy, I average nearly a wedding a month.

Which means that one day out of every 30 I am shod in sparkling non-sneakered shoes and dress, spend hours traveling, and am fed sodium-flavored food. In between dancing, eating, and downing tylenol to alleviate the pained injury which dancing aggravates, I get to enjoy uncomfortable social encounters. These encounters involve three types of people (1) people I haven’t seen recently and would rather not see now or again,  (2) people I would love to catch up with, but we can’t hear each other (3) the bride and her posse to whom no remarks seem entirely appropriate.

And yet, I keep going.

Because weddings should be a joyous occasion for the bride and groom. If there is anything, within reason, I can do to further that joy, I will. So once an invitation arrives, I put aside my antipathy, pick up my date book, and figure out a way to be there for the happy couple. At weddings I dance, sing, and exude pleasantness.

My nuptialisism, combined with many weddings I attend, has given me unique framework and knowledge of weddings. And now, dear readers, the time has come to share that knowledge with you.

 

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3 Comments

  1. I disagree, I would have thought that I would get bored about hypothetical wedding talk in one minute, but then you whip out some topic that is pure blog gold, like wedding registries or thank you notes, and suddenly we all have a million things to say. What are you going to think of next?

    Also, back in the (original format Google Reader) day, Na’ama and I were just about the only ones who commented so I felt as if we were having a private conversation, but now there are more people who also cannot resist weighing in, which is great, and it makes me wonder who else is silently reading. What a mystery.

    I feel like I am back in this feminism English Lit class I took; I always had something to say and talked just about every class, but there were some people who never said anything. Did they not have any response to an essay from a woman vacillating on whether men should open doors for women (of couse they should, men should be gentlemen. If you find yourself inflamed by the injustice that when you are walking into a building with a man he opens the door for you, I suggest channeling your ire into a new cause that is not stupid)? Maybe it is just that I was a senior when I took that class so I thought my opinions on every subject should definitely be vocalized. I could not sit back silently and hear Disney be torn apart for ruining our lives by instilling the fairy tale myth in us as impressionable children when I have fond memories of princess movies even though the princesses are insipid. Likewise, I cannot hear talk about thank you notes and wedding registries and not voice my surprisingly impassioned opinion on every aspect.

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