Cholent Saves the Day

As the days begin to grow shorter – slowly but surely – it’s time to get ready for the winter. Forget getting down the hats and gloves. It’s almost time for shabbos – get ready with a pot of cholent in three easy steps.

1. Pump yourself up to not be a Karaite

2. Read all about how cholent saves lives

3. Make yourself a crockput full

Since Special Correspondent Ellen is the only person I know who uses a cholent recipe, she would appreciate it if you measured your ingredients exactly as it’s specified. If you’re making it for me, I’d appreciate if it you followed the blue edits, your own creativity, and the dictates of your pantry.

Cholent
Cholent meat (1 – 2 lbs) Use a few lamb neck bones – delicious and cheap. Possibly also nutritious.
3/4 cup barley
1/4 cup cholent beans Use cute beans – small and cute wins the day. Pinto beans usually fit in this category.
1 onion soup mix packet Please, please don’t. Throw in all the spices you like but stay away from the soup mix. Just put it down and back away slowly.
1- 8 oz can of tomato sauce Replace with salsa. It’s go so much flavor you can skip the prior step. 
4 oz sugar (fill up half the empty can with sugar and pour it in) No. 
4 or 5 potatoes Finally, something we can agree on.
Half an onion, chopped I’m positive Ellen uses the whole onion. 
Spices to throw in (just a couple shakes) : garlic, paprika, some sort of hot peppery flavor
Throw it all in the pot, put in enough cold water to cover the ingredients. Cook on high until Shabbos, then turn it down to low.

 

Cameras in the Kitchen

I work at government agency that’s not known for making a lot of noise. In that agency, I work in a silent department; we’re so quiet that in our corner of the office you can hear footfalls on carpeted floor. We’re a calm bunch, whose work rarely holds any surprises – though when it does, someone usually goes to jail. Outside of that, our lives are predictable and so our workplace is too. But every now and then something explodes into our lives – always started by another department – and we’re caught up in escapades and intrigue. This is one of those times.

It began with a sorrowful email:

From: [Name Censored]
To: [Agency Staff]
Subject: Work Place Courtesy and Respect

Dear Colleagues,

It has recently come to my attention that a fellow Staff member had her lunch taken (container and all) twice from the refrigerator.  This on top of the loss of another colleague’s personally bought Keurig cups leads me to believe that a relaxed communal attitude has been adopted where everything is up for grabs.  This is not the case.

Everyone and their personal belongings should be treated with the utmost respect.  Theft of any type will not be tolerated.

I encourage everyone to remember that we are in a professional environment and should make every attempt to show common courtesy and common sense in the work place.

If you have any questions please let me know.

Thank you,

[Name Censored]

Then we had a pizza party. I don’t think the two were connected, but perhaps someone took pity on the mystery thief. The party itself was great. Then, that afternoon, we all received this bombshell:

From: [Name Censored]
To: [Agency Staff]
Subject: Workplace Courtesy and Respect

I am OUTRAGED that after [Name Censored]’s email yesterday someone took another person’s lunch today.  I frankly cannot believe it.  I thought it would never come to this, but we looking into having cameras installed in the lunchrooms.

Even pizza parties can’t stop lunch thieves.

Crazy Chairs

The crazy thing about this article http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-life-and-religion/92893/brides-aid isn’t that there is a universe of brides concerning themselves with minutia that most people don’t realize exists. It’s that if you tell another bride that someone started a blog because she couldn’t afford to decorate the chairs at her wedding, she won’t sypathize – she’ll empathize. And then she’ll tell you her own tale of woe.