The Memoir I Won’t Be Writing

Special Correspondent Perel is convinced that one day I will write a memoir. She’s also convinced that I’d have a captive audience. I won’t. But since I wouldn’t want to disappoint, I’ve composed some chapter titles for her to enjoy instead.

 

Title

You Didn’t Want Me to Say That Out Loud?

Chapters

On my Hometown: Forged in the Valley of Steel

On Growing Up: Rhetorical questions aren’t my forte

On Dating: It’s not as though I’d mind if I never saw him again

On Career: Nowhere pays as much as here for what I’m doing

On Leaning In and/or On Food: I bought their loyalty with snacks

On Confidence: Sometimes people need to be threatened

On Friendship: I have 5 clown noses, and 1 person who could put them to good use

On Travel: You love me. I love you, goats, and ancient printing presses

On Raising Children: If they can get the WD40, they probably know what to do with it

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