I Drawn the Line, And Not In An Artistic Manner

I will not be making shtick for your wedding. In preparation for your wedding, I will come to your engagement party, vort, shower, and wedding. I will bring gifts, I will make small talk, I will pretend your future mother-in-law didn’t diss you in front of all your friends. There are many, many thing I will do for you.

I will not make shtick for your wedding.

At the wedding, I will dance and clap and jump. I will continue doing the four-step when someone’s just punctured my skin with their spiked high-heels. I will do my best to increase your simcha.

I will not put pen to posterboard.

You have to draw the line somewhere. I draw the line at shtick. I will not spend my free time pouring hours into cardboard and markers that you might see for two seconds, before smiling vaguely and pulling someone else into your chosen circle. Sure I didn’t find the shtick that funny, but no one cared what I think . You didn’t seem to find it funny and you let it show. Unlike me, there are people who poured time and energy into all that shtick, hoping it would make you feel special. I will not be part of crushing those people – those shtick coordinators – who spent the last three nights sketching, drawing, and, and printing up pictures just to see that fleeting smile. It’s a waste of your time, so it’s a waste of mine too.

However, if you want me to bring some belly-dancing skirts, that’s another story…

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