Some people wish they could receive advice from their future self. I can’t help you with that. However, for those of you turning 25, I can offer advice from your 24 year-old self.
Boredom: Lighting your hair on fire banishes boredom immediately.
Cake decorating: Writing “Surprise! You’re Pregnant” on a cake is always appropriate.
What do you call female chancellors?: Chancelleras.
Dowry: It’s better to have pots and pans than camels.
Flotation device: If something can’t double as a flotation device, it’s lacking an essential component.
Kansas: It’s worse than prison.
Micro-mini cows: If they can’t kill mice, they’re not worth $2,000 a head.
Open windows: If you leave the windows open when no one is home, bandits will come and rob you.
The Press: Don’t talk to them. Ever.
Schmutz: There’s a lot of it out there.
Spilled coffee: Make more.
Spilled milk: Don’t cry.
Weather forecasts: Weather should come with a reason. Example: Afternoon thunderstorms [insert picture]: You have all sinned so I’m going to shower rain upon you. Peace out.
Wishing you a happy birthday and many more years of wisdom