Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever

Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever

The adage “Feed a cold, starve a fever,” is useful only in theory. The probability that I’ll get a cold when I have a fully stocked pantry is similar to the likelihood of all the oxygen atoms in my apartment congregating in one corner of the living room: extremely low. For that reason, I prefer not to become sick.

Unfortunately, I still get colds. When I do contract something which creates congestion and saps my energy, I drag my beleaguered self to the store in an attempt to prevent further damage to my immune system.  I shuffle wearily down the aisles, hoping someone will take pity on me and send me home while they do my shopping. That has yet to happen.

Ideally, I’d purchase nourishing soups and vitamin-rich orange juice. In an effort to save my strength, I attempt to purchase only items which are directly between myself, those objectives, and the check-out. The orange juice at my local store is as far from the cashier as possible. This sends me dragging my feet past rows of groceries, with the simple goal of attaining a bottle of ‘premium Florida orange juice’. ‘Premium Florida orange juice’ is not a phrase I use in daily life, but with my immune defenses down and the effort to stay upright, half-heard tv-commercials – this one from Florida’s Natural – take over. So I make my way slowly through the store, brain-power dedicated to moving my feet, and settle down in front of the orange juice selection. Once I no longer need to concentrate on moving, I can focus on selecting orange juice and ignoring those snappy tv jinggles. The orange juice which looks like it has the most added vitamins, not the one with the best tagline, will be coming home with me.

Last time I was sick, I couldn’t find any pre-made soups, so I went home with just the orange juice. On my weary way toward the cashier, I picked up some crackers and fig newtons, items shelved within grabbing distance.  As I stood in line, I realized that the tissues were at the front of the store where I’d begun my journey. I looked in their direction, and calculated the possibility of picking up a box and still having enough energy to make my own home. I stayed in line, paid for my groceries, and made it home.

The next time I came in, feeling much better, I searched the store for pre-made soups. This time, able to move without urging on my feet, I found them. They’re five feet from the orange juice. Feeling well, I mapped out a plan for my next bout of illness; a plan which would allow me to pick up tissues, soup, and orange juice, and still have enough energy to get home. The only thing I forgot to calculate was the energy it would take me to get to the store.

I  have a cold and my pantry will be empty within a day. Thankfully, I have a plan: Who wants to do my grocery shopping?



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