How Not to Prepare For A Wedding…about weddings.

The premise of blog is that interfaith couples need special help in planning their nuptials.The practice is a guide for what not to do when planning a wedding.


Do Not Guide

1. Do not sit your fiancee in front of a camera to discuss wedding plans.

Fill in the rest below:





  1. What’s wrong with sitting your fiance in front of the camera to discuss wedding plans?

    Once I was in the YU shuttle and I over heard the following conversation between two YU bachurs:

    Bachur 1(B1): hey man, long time no see

    Bachur 2 (B) hi, what’s going on?

    B1: did you hear, I got engaged!

    B2: mazal tov! actually, i just got engaged too!

    (some inconsequential to this story bits of conversation were thus exchanged)

    B1: are you very involved in the wedding planning?

    B2: well, its interesting. my fiancee are having a disagreement about the choice of venue. i am going to call her later and tell her i thought it over and her arguments persuaded me and we should go with her choice. its not that i really ever cared about which venue, its just that i was trying to be involved.

    B1: oh my goodness, i do the same thing! my rebbe told me that I should not tell fiancee that she can choose everything because it makes no difference to me, instead I should disagree a little on some things and talk it out with fiancee before conceding to her. Rebbe said this would make her know I care.

    B2: Was that Rebbe So-and-so? He told me the same thing. Wise man

    B1: Yes it was! I mean, I would be happy getting married in the park, wearing sweats, eating hot dogs, with an ipod playing. I just want to be married, I dont particularly care what the wedding looks like, but Rebbe Soandso said fiancee will think I am apathetic about getting married to her if I am apathetic about the wedding details.

    When I heard this I thought it was utter nonsense. If you do not have a preference about gowns/caterers/photographers/venue etc then just say so and I will consult my sister and friends instead. But when I retold this story, I was surprised when most people thought the rebbe was onto something. Thoughts?


  2. If you don’t care, don’t make me beg for what I want… However, I do see the point. Some girls would think the guy doesn’t care at all and would get insulted… not my style, or yours, but I understand the great rebbe’s advice.


  3. The groom’s involvement depends on the bride; the only overarching rule being that all brides want to be thought reasonable. Shipping a cake in from across the country? Making the mother and mother-in-law, with different body types, wear the same dress? Hand-writing each placecard and bedazzling it? Each bride has their ‘one thing’ which is wacky and which the groom, if he values his sanity, should agree is perfectly natural and necessary.


  4. If you’re that uncertain about how involved your future spouse wants you to be (bride or groom), then you have more important issues to discuss than the wedding details. And that should be a private discussion, not including a camera or a random rebbe. If you’re not comfortable having a private discussion, then it’s too soon for a trip to the mikvah.



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