“The worse they look, the more you know that they’re home-made and not store-bought,” said Special Correspondent Ellen, as she ladled latke batter into the hot pan and frowned at the resultant lumps. “Even though the store-bought ones might taste better.”
4 lb potatoes
1 tbsp salt
1 tbsp pepper
oil for frying
Roughly chop potatoes and onions as necessary. Put food processor on “grate” setting; grate potatoes and onions. If potato mixture is over-processed place in strainer and push down with a spatula to squeeze out excess liquid. Place potato mixture in bowl; stir in eggs, salt, and pepper. Pour oil into pan and allow to heat; add potato batter by the large teaspoons. Wait until edges of latkes are very browned, then flip. Repeat. If you cannot bring yourself to use the necessary quantities of oil, find an assistant or buy latkes from a store – this is not the time to stint on oil. For added flavor and sky-high fat-intake replace oil with gribenes [chicken fat] or nyfat [syntheic gribenes] like your grandmother used to do.
When your smoke detector goes off, be prepared with a flexible cutting board so that you can wave away the smoke. If that proves insufficient, remove batteries until the smoke clears.