The Perfect Present, According to Mom

“It’s the perfect gift,” my mom explains as we trek through the store, looking for the elusive gift of choice. She knows what she wants but in a store this size, it has proven difficult to find that perfect present. We round a corner; “It should be in the bedroom section,” she murmurs as we trudge on. Unable to locate the gift in the home-wares, bedroom accessories, or the intervening sections of dorm, cookery, and linens, we ask a store employee.

The employee leads us in a winding path deeper into the store, past glassware and a vast array of wicker items, to the furniture section. He reaches up, pulls out a box, and he hands us my mom’s ideal present: a breakfast tray. “It’s the perfect gift,” she repeats, satisfied, as we the leave the store with the present safely secured. “It’s special. It’s the perfect way to begin a good day; you wake up and someone brings you breakfast in bed. They’ll need a tray table for that.”

I point out that had the couple wanted a breakfast tray table, they could have registered for it. They certainly were not shy about what the did want, as evidenced by the $60 garbage can they had put on their registry. “It’s because they don’t know they need it,” she says dismissively. “They’ll love it.”

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6 Comments

  1. I might be one of the unwashed masses who does not know that I want a breakfast tray, but breakfast trays are on the list of things I just do not get. How does the scenario work exactly? You wake up, voila, your significant other brings you a tray laden with waffles, fresh fruit, juice, coffee, and a cute little bud vase with a rose in it. Fab, except hold on there a sec, bucko, but I just woke up and the smell of coffee is assaulting my olfactory system. And am I supposed to eat with a stale taste in my mouth or should I brush my teeth and then drink the juice (I bet everyone who read that line just cringed). Also, once I am already up to brush my teeth and go to the bathroom, why don’t we just go to the table like civilized human beings where we can relax because we wont have trays of food precariously balanced on our knees? Also, I do not like waffles. Or pancakes. Or french toast. I eat oatmeal for breakfast every morning because oatmeal is my favorite breakfast. And don’t bring me oatmeal in bed because I have a very particular way I make it and if you make it wrong the fact that you are showing you care will not mitigate the fact that you ruined my oatmeal.

  2. I agree with Dena in that there are a lot of factors that need to work out perfectly for a breakfast tray to work. That being said, if my significant other is reading this I would love breakfast in bed. I am neither picky about my oatmeal nor incapable of getting back in bed after brushing my teeth. In fact, that’s pretty much my dream. The only thing is, I think breakfast trays need to be vintage. They’re something you find at estate sales or in your grandmothers basement. This would prevent me from buying one.

  3. I’m not into the breakfast in bed thing.. food in the bedroom should not be done… it’s dirty. it’ll get on your sheets. gross. however, breakfast being served at the table is an excellent idea. i love most breakfast foods!

  4. On which planet does someone bring you breakfast in bed? Oh wait. It’s my planet and I’m already into my 2nd conference call of the day, having answered 20 e-mails, and looked at 1/2 dozen Help Desk tickets and I’m doing it in bed, why? Because my headset only works on the phone next to the bed. Don’t go there. Clearly breakfast trays are a very controversial gift and could be a real conversation starter in a new marriage.

  5. Dena, this morning on the subway I saw a parent feeding their child oatmeal from McDonald’s. I thought that was bad, but then horror struck when the parent opened the McDonald’s bag and forced his child to drink McDonald’s orange juice. Does he realized the premium he’s paying to give his child oj from concentrate? Does he realize the wrath you would have for him?

  6. Pingback: It’s Not The It Gift | there is on whom to rely

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